Book, How to be a Good Husband

Many years ago, I met a quiet freshman in high school named Kevin. He started dating Allie when they were just fourteen. Four years later, they were still dating and I asked Kevin, who had just graduated, to help me lead a cabin of guys for a week at summer camp. Every single day while he was away at camp he wrote Allie a letter. I was amazed at his level of devotion and thoughtfulness. The fact that he exercised that level of maturity at age eighteen made it even more amazing. Kevin and Allie continued to date through college and beyond. Today they have been married for seven years and have three kids. Kevin continues to consistently show the characteristics of a man who loves his wife in the same way he did when they were high school sweethearts.

More than once Kevin has made me evaluate myself on how well I truly love my wife. It’s always good to measure yourself in order to improve. It made me think of Author Dr. Robert Lewis who has a list of 25 characteristics of husbands who love their wives. I started to examine how many of these I possess.

I spent many, many years chasing damage cases and emotionally unavailable men (and many more years writing about these experiences and creating a career out of it!). I made the same mistake countless others make. I followed my heart, because that’s the thing to do, right?

Forget about rational thinking and objectivity and a sense of knowing I deserve better, this is what I wanted and this is what I went for. And what a waste of time and energy that was!

By some miracle, I extricated myself from the murky waters of delusional thinking, realized a life of ups and downs and endless heartbreak that comes from only pursuing the unattainable is a tragic way to live, and fell in love with and married the most wonderful human being on the planet.

The shocking thing about him is that he treated me well, whereas previously the way to my heart was to treat me like crap, and that made me care for him even more!

Once I entered the next phase of life, the marriage and the kids and the responsibilities that come with “adulting,” I realized how painfully misguided I was for the majority of my twenties. And I see countless other women making the same mistakes as me over and over again. What a shame and what a waste.

We waste time chasing the high of catching someone who doesn’t want to be caught or trying to make it work with a guy who really couldn’t care less, and we forget to pause and consider what it is we want and need from a relationship.

If you want to settle down and get married, then you need to be able to recognize the qualities that make for a good husband.

And these are a few that I think are the most important…

1. He is sensitive to your feelings.

Look, not every guy is Mr. Sensitivity. And most have a hard time understanding the emotional torrent that a lot of women navigate almost daily. But he doesn’t need to understand your feelings in order to validate them.

The fact is, sometimes you won’t make any sense, like when you’re pregnant or postpartum or just have a nasty case of PMS. Sometimes your tears will have no rhyme or reason. A good husband won’t make you feel like a crazy person, even if you kind of are in that moment. He will be sensitive to the fact that maybe your hormones are a little all over the place right now and instead of an argument you just need a little extra love.

Never thought it would get to this point when I decided to get a little help in the bedroom.. // My wife wants me to get a mistress!